I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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