why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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