I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
im on a boat
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