oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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