found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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