It's like God shit irony all over that family
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
