Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
