Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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