the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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