drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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