It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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