i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
