someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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