I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
