i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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