My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
