Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
