Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
