we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize