I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
