so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He better not be in your backpack
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize