when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
