First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
