dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They have beer where we have blood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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