i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
