Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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