I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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