What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
