i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
