she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
