i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
