Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
