he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
