THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
