i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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