coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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