I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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