mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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