look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
