38 yer olds are good kisserssss
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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