she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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