yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
