Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
