uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
