I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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