the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize