your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
we should paint friendship bongs
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