he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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