I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
