my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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