I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
