I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
