dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
then he tried to convert me to islam
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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