Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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