I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
