just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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