I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
