A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
