Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
