what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
