I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
