Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
