Will you blow on my dice?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
