I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
