What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
