Already got asked if we're dating
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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