Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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