trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she smelled like a LAN party
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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