My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
