why didn't you poke me back
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
