Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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