Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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