Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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