Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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