I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
