Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
