Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize