whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
