At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
