I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
