This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
