Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
