i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
