Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
