They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
