This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
