I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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