FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
