we're blogging at a bar
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
