So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
