the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
