Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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