a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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