He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
