i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize