break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
