thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
