i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
