Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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