I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
