This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
