Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The air was thick with penises
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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