You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
