Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
