You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize