It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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