I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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