and she was petting her beer can
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
