so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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