Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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