I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
