How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
