i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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