Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
